Society's Definition of a Mom

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about society's definition of a good mom. As a first time mom, I received many questions about my plans before, during, and after the birth of my twins. Many good intentioned people offered plenty of advice and scary stories. Most of their advice was based upon their definition of a good mommy. I had advice from how to shower to how to deliver to how to properly to feed to how to make sure they slept well. My first lesson learned was how to let unnecessary information go in one ear and out the other. Hot topic number one was always...drum roll please...breast feeding. I had no desire to breast feed. Now, don't get me wrong; I have no problems with other women breast feeding. I just never saw myself as breast feeding. Well, everyone seemed to find ammunition to fire at me. I understand the advantages of breast feeding, but I also understand the advantages of bottle feeding. Do I really want to breast feed when I know that I'll feel frustration and aggravation for "having" to breast feed? Well, I gave in and tried to breast feed. Finally, my husband said to stop stressing out about it and just pump which brought about another source of contention because I wasn't bonding with my sons properly. Why did certain people feel it was necessary to stress me out even more? It's my decision, and I'm sticking with it. Just because I see things differently than you does not mean that I'm wrong and your right. Don't harass me because I made a decision differently than your decision. I also made the decision to have a c-section. This was yet another source of contention. However, I had several moms of twins tell me to consider it for the health of the babies. One of these moms has a child with cerebral palsy because of lack of oxygen from the long delivery process. Yet, singleton moms felt the need to offer their opinions, and they still offer their opinions. I just recently discussed with a mom that the cord was wrapped around Peter's abdomen twice and Titus's neck four times. Every time I think about it, I still praise the Lord that He helped me make the best decision which ultimately either saved them from permanent physical disabilities at best or death at worst. This mom then proceeded to tell me that she would still have tried to deliver them naturally. Really? Are you still trying to tell me I made the wrong decision? Society has made it hard for mom's to be mom's. Society has put rules in place as to what the perfect mom is; and if you stray from this mold, you're a horrible mom. I have two healthy sons with no disabilities because of the choices I made before they were born. Society had nothing to do with the birth of my children. The Lord helped me make the right choices then and now. If I tried to keep up with society, I would go crazy. So, don't judge me because I made different decisions than you. I praise the Lord that your children were born healthy through a natural delivery. I praise the Lord that you were able to breast feed. I praise the Lord that you did not have to face the problems that I did while I was pregnant with multiples. In return, please praise the Lord for me and my healthy children and realize that your definition of the perfect mom may be different than mine. Now that I'm pregnant again, I know that many more questions are sure to come. But, I already know that the Lord will help me make the best decision for myself and my baby/babies:)

Teething & Questions

Yesterday was definitely a day that will live in infamy. Peter and Titus were both cutting teeth on the same day. Can you imagine what it's like with two very cranky babies? They were so cranky that after I put them down for a nap, I sat down and did absolutely nothing: no laundry, no dishes, no ironing, NOTHING. It's days like yesterday when I sometimes wonder what it would be like if there were only one of them. It's not usually like that, but I just wanted to pull my hair out. Then, I remembered that there would be only one voice saying Mama, only one set of arms for hugs, only one set of eyes staring at the door waiting for me to pick him up, only one precious little boy. I never want to give that up. It makes the six months of sickness & two months of bed rest well worth it.

Today was Wal-mart day. Let me just say that I'm already tired of questions, and my boys aren't even asking any yet. It took me an hour and a half to buy $35 worth of odds and ends. An hour and a half! Do you realize that was only four halfway filled bags?!?! There were no diaper breaks, and I didn't have to search for anything. It was having to answer all the questions. My brother, Stephen, hates going to Wal-mart with me anymore because of all the questions. Yes, I realize I have twins and that comes with the territory, but some of the questions are down right personal and unnecessary. I've been asked if they're twins, are they fraternal, are they boys or girls or boy/girl, did I have a c-section, do I have my hands full, and many more. I have had men ask their fair share personal questions too. I've been told about their sister's nephew's daughter's mother-in-law that had twins, and I've been told all about their twins that passed away (they told me those stories even before Peter and Titus were born, not a good idea to scare a woman pregnant with multiples). Today, someone told me that Titus looked like a girl, but Peter looked like a boy. Now, they're wearing similar outfits: one is blue and yellow stripes and the other is orange and white stripes. Really?! I had already told her that they were both boys, but she had to insert her opinion. I almost bit through my sarcastic tongue trying to stay quiet. Meanwhile, she's blocking the aisle, and the people stuck behind her are looking at me like I'm the bad guy. Well, that's my Wal-mart rant for the week. I did manage to buy some clothes for the boys: three pairs of pants for $2.50 and two shirts for $2. So, I guess it was a profitable trip:)

Should Be Sleeping

I really should be sleeping, but it's in the quiet of the night (after husband and boys are asleep) that my mind begins a journey. I'd like to say it's a journey into a mystical land where a princess finds her prince and they live happily ever after. But sadly, it's a list of the days shortcomings; the tasks not completed: checkbook not balanced, laundry not finished, diaper bags not loaded, juice cups for two not fixed, etc. With my mind racing, sleep menacingly evades me, taunting me with its ever closeness. My body is exhausted, but my mind is still running the marathon.

Today has been full of flashbacks to this afternoon. This afternoon, around 1:30, I decided to leave the boys in the living room while I attempted to climb the always present mountain of laundry. Peter and Titus are into everything, but I thought everything harmful was well out of their reach. (Never rely on the false sense of security that often accompanies your vigilant efforts to baby proof the house.) As I was throwing the towels into the laundry, I heard a choking sound in the other room. I hurdled over the baby gate just in time to see Peter throw up the contents of his stomach and a marble he had tried to swallow. Needless to say, my world stopped. I scooped him up and held him close as I made sure nothing else was in his mouth. (It's amazing how he found a marble that I had looked all over for but couldn't find. We should really employ nine month olds as detectives. They can find anything that they're not supposed to have.) Of course, Titus couldn't let his twin brother have all the attention; so, I held two precious nine month old boys in my lap on the floor next to throw up that needed to be cleaned out of the carpet. At that moment, I realized that I can handle problems without going spastic. Raising twins is definitely not the easiest job in the world, but it is manageable. God knew that Peter was going to try to swallow a marble and He knew that Titus was going to pull the folding chair over on him last week. He also knew that I was going to need a level head to handle both of them. Even when things don't seem to be getting done at the pace I would like, I'm able to keep my head on straight and my crazy inside. God has blessed me with two wonderful sons that keep me busy. He has also given me a wonderful husband who helps me everyday be the best wife and mother I can be. And when sleep evades me, I think of these wonderful blessings and try to wipe the slate clean and get some sleep.