Saturday, May 28, 2011

Society's Definition of a Mom

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about society's definition of a good mom. As a first time mom, I received many questions about my plans before, during, and after the birth of my twins. Many good intentioned people offered plenty of advice and scary stories. Most of their advice was based upon their definition of a good mommy. I had advice from how to shower to how to deliver to how to properly to feed to how to make sure they slept well. My first lesson learned was how to let unnecessary information go in one ear and out the other. Hot topic number one was always...drum roll please...breast feeding. I had no desire to breast feed. Now, don't get me wrong; I have no problems with other women breast feeding. I just never saw myself as breast feeding. Well, everyone seemed to find ammunition to fire at me. I understand the advantages of breast feeding, but I also understand the advantages of bottle feeding. Do I really want to breast feed when I know that I'll feel frustration and aggravation for "having" to breast feed? Well, I gave in and tried to breast feed. Finally, my husband said to stop stressing out about it and just pump which brought about another source of contention because I wasn't bonding with my sons properly. Why did certain people feel it was necessary to stress me out even more? It's my decision, and I'm sticking with it. Just because I see things differently than you does not mean that I'm wrong and your right. Don't harass me because I made a decision differently than your decision. I also made the decision to have a c-section. This was yet another source of contention. However, I had several moms of twins tell me to consider it for the health of the babies. One of these moms has a child with cerebral palsy because of lack of oxygen from the long delivery process. Yet, singleton moms felt the need to offer their opinions, and they still offer their opinions. I just recently discussed with a mom that the cord was wrapped around Peter's abdomen twice and Titus's neck four times. Every time I think about it, I still praise the Lord that He helped me make the best decision which ultimately either saved them from permanent physical disabilities at best or death at worst. This mom then proceeded to tell me that she would still have tried to deliver them naturally. Really? Are you still trying to tell me I made the wrong decision? Society has made it hard for mom's to be mom's. Society has put rules in place as to what the perfect mom is; and if you stray from this mold, you're a horrible mom. I have two healthy sons with no disabilities because of the choices I made before they were born. Society had nothing to do with the birth of my children. The Lord helped me make the right choices then and now. If I tried to keep up with society, I would go crazy. So, don't judge me because I made different decisions than you. I praise the Lord that your children were born healthy through a natural delivery. I praise the Lord that you were able to breast feed. I praise the Lord that you did not have to face the problems that I did while I was pregnant with multiples. In return, please praise the Lord for me and my healthy children and realize that your definition of the perfect mom may be different than mine. Now that I'm pregnant again, I know that many more questions are sure to come. But, I already know that the Lord will help me make the best decision for myself and my baby/babies:)

1 comment:

  1. I am with you( i didnt have twins though)..i was put through the same pressures you were talking about and i tried all the above....natural delivery almost killed my first child...emergency csection saved her...cord was wrapped three times around for breastfeeding...I HATED IT...tried with all 3 cause of the " hype" about it being best..had problems.....pumped for weeks while in hosp. and started bleeding ...i quit...only nurses and drs and mom were supportive of decision to quit..everyone looked down on me for using formula...but I did what was BEST for baby and me...ONLY MOM knows best and if we want advice- WE WILL ASK